Cheap vs living within your means

Recently I was visiting a friend of mine. In the course of our conversation, she kept using the adjective cheap referring to the fact that I was cheap. Cheap or cheap skate refers to a mean or stingy person. I felt bad and then finally I pointed out that just the sport coat that I was wearing was about $550 and she shut up. It was an uncharacteristic reaction from my end considering that I do not try to alter how somebody perceives me. For one it is a waste of time and you really don't know if that act infact changed their perception of you.

What really mattered, matters and will matter to me was how I felt about myself. I am conservative with my finances. I live within my means. I don't believe in paying a car loan and try to save as much as possible. I am this way because of my dad. He started from scratch just with his degree was very disciplined saved up as much as possible and invested it to the best of his ability. He did all of this so that his children and wife could have a better life.He was a giant success.

Unfortunately on several occasions, he was misunderstood and people thought he was cheap. This could have been because of his wardrobe which was not up to the mark or he was against me buying a Hercules top gear bicycle. But, let us consider those situations, he was against buying new clothes because the old ones were still good to wear and a bicycle is a depreciating asset and in his mind was not worth the extra thousand rupees. The other thousand could be put to a better use. However, the very same people who criticized him when he was making and standing by those decisions conveniently neglected the fact that he spent money taking us on vacations all over India, spent money on hindi classes for years that developed our personalities and improved our knowledge of our own country.

I am exactly the same with my finances. When I graduated from college, I did not go to a car dealer and buy myself a $20K car. I bought a $600 bicycle that I rode for 2 years in rain and shine and built up my savings. I don't make $100K a year like some of my lucky friends. However, I did save half my after tax income for 2-3 years. This helped me spend about $40K to get a house and a decent car. I did all these while giving gifts to friends during christmas, going kayaking and doing many more fun things and enjoying my life. So now tell me am I cheap or a man with a plan who is living within his means? I know the answer. So, am I going to worry the next time someone calls me cheap? I don't think I will waste time or worry if my efforts infact changed their perception of who I really am.

Everybody is waiting for something

Amelia: I've been waiting for a phone call

Amelia: for seven years.         

Amelia: I know it's coming, Viktor.

Amelia: That's why I can't break it off. That's why I live out of hotels and have
my little suitcase packed, ready to go, 

Amelia: just in case

he wants to meet me for the weekend.                   

Amelia: Yeah.                   

Amelia: I've been waiting my whole life.             

- Just don't know what the hell for.

- [pager vibrates]                

Amelia: I'm so sorry.               

Viktor: I live here.                   

Amelia: What?

Viktor: I live here, in terminal.                 

Gate 67.                  

Amelia: You live at the airport?

Viktor: Yes. Day and night.            

Viktor: This home, like you.

Viktor: They tell me to wait. So I wait.                   

Amelia: All frequent fliers feel the same way you do, Viktor. 

Amelia: Everybody's waiting. Everybody.

This was a dialog from the movie The Terminal. A very matter fact statement, but it has a very deep meaning. 

There is a similarity  between our lives and what was happening to Viktor Navorski in the movie. We all have an end goal in our life. We may not know it yet, but trust me at some point of time we all have that aha moment and say to ourselves "This is it. This is what I want. Nothing else matters".

Just like Viktor went to the customs official and tried to go the NY city, we work towards our goal. While working towards the goal, we make friends, help them out and sometimes even be the robin hood. But beneath all this surface water there is a deep under current, our goal in life. This explains why we do the things we do and why we move ahead in the direction we do. This is what makes a person tick. If we can get an understanding of this deep under current, we can say with confidence the type of person he is.

But, till the end goal is achieved everyone has to wait or as Amelia says "everybody's waiting. Everybody".

Attachment and replacement

I have lived 4 years of my undergraduate life in hostels. Then I moved to the USA, where I have been living for over six years. But, I have missed something all this time that was brought to my attention recently.

You may have heard a million quotes about change and how we must embrace it and grow. But, really the tougher changes like living so far away from mom and dad or getting dumped by a girl puts us in a situation where, we want to replace or put someone in that position so that we can continue to reap the benefits of that relationship. Sounds very selfish but it is the truth. I have been driven by such urges at several points in my life.

I guess the right thing to do when I find myself saying "Oh my childhood had this" or "I wish she / I had never broken up" is to remind myself that nothing can ever equal what we experienced with our mom, dad or exes but we sure as hell will find newer experiences with a lot of other nice people.

No more "Good things have end sometimes for better things to take their place" crap.